Oh you have belongings? I lost all those 4 years ago.

If you don't have kids and you'd like to know what it's like, carry out the following steps: 

1) Gather every single on of your belongings. 

2) Tip them all on to the floor. 

3) Pick them up. 

4) Repeat to infinity. 

A facebook friend posted that yesterday and I couldn't help but chuckle because it is entirely true. 

Back in my single days, I played computer games, I watched TV, I went out. I could do any of these things whenever I wanted for as long as I wanted. A relationship spells out a transfiguration where this is concerned; you give up some of the things you lived in order to commit yourself to someone and give them your time and energy. Sure, some things remain; as a couple you still have your own interests and still spend some time apart doing the things you love, and that time is equally, if not more, wonderful. 

And then you have kids. 

When you have kids, this transfiguration turns into a death. An all out, complete death of everything you have ever loved doing yourself. Want to go for a wee? Prepare to have two toddlers staring at you. A bath in peace? Forget it. My girls even go so far as to bring their colouring books into the bathroom when they know I am going to the toilet. Yes, your life as you knew it has gone. 

But you know what? As invading and annoying as this can be, I literally could not have it any other way. I adore the matter of fact candor my 4 year old conveys when I'm in the bathroom ("daddy - when you've finished your poo, can we play on the wii?") I adore the sacrifice even, because by giving my girls the time that I would have ordinarily spent pursuing selfish goals, I am hopefully giving them something they will always remember me for - my undivided attention and time. And that's so worth it. 

 

You've never known love like this.

Dr. Emmett Brown: Are those my clocks I hear?
Marty McFly: Yeah, it's 8:00.
Dr. Emmett Brown: Perfect! My experiment worked! They're all exactly 25 minutes slow!
Marty McFly: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Doc. Are you telling me that it's 8:25?

Dr. Emmett Brown: Precisely.
Marty McFly: Damn! I'm late for school!

Back to The Future. A film steeped in such an incredulous amount of sentiment for me, more so than anyone could ever understand, that I can quote almost every line. 

So now you know why my blog is called, Precisely 8:25.

"We never know the love of the parent til we become parents ourselves." Words by Henry Ward Beecher, some 150 years ago. You see nothing really prepares you for that love. It's not a love you've felt before.

If you're reading this and you're not a mum, or a dad, then you don't know. You can't. Because this love surpasses any love you have ever felt in your entire life. Nobody can describe the feeling when you first hold your child in your arms, nobody can explain the sense of love, pride, amazement and bewilderment you feel when you look into the eyes of the thing, you created, and are now responsible for. This tiny thing, sat there staring at you, admiring you. And that's just the first day. For as each day goes by, that love becomes exponential, rhapsodical, and gets into your heart so deep that you can't see or hear anything else. It's as if the whole world is an incidental and nothing else, not even your own sense of who you are, is important.

 Our children steal us. They steal our hearts, our time, our sleep and they steal what we once were. Whatever person you were before you brought a child into this world, you are no longer. As time goes by you learn what sacrifice is. You learn a love that's so strong, you would give up every last breath to bring that person happiness.

 Money, recognition, status, they all mean nothing. For in the eyes of a baby, you're the best dad in the world if you can sing row row row the boat. That's where our children differ from us. They do not base their love on pride, they do not base their love on your secular success, they base their love on you being you; mum or dad. You being there, and giving them the attention and love that they desire is the beginning and end of your job description.

Don't expect pay, holidays, recognition, or any repayment. If you do, you simply cannot love. But if you succeed in loving your children, they will give you a degree of love back that's greater than any love you have ever experienced in your whole life. A smile, a touch, a glance - that's all they need to do for you to feel so cherished, so important, so needed that you feel nothing else in the world matters.

My children are 14, 4 and 2 now. It brings me some sadness that I will never experience the gurgles, the whimpers, and the gummy giggles ever again. In this world, anyway. See, unlike our slow paced adult life, a new chapter begins every few months with your little one. They learn to stand up, then walk, then talk, and before you know it they've grown up.

 I cherish this time. I cherish being there - watching - learning - observing what were once these tiny bundles become emotionally complex individuals. It's hard, for sure - but no amount of hard work could ever make it not worth while.

 This blog will be a narrative of my life, as a dad, and I hope you enjoy it.